"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> hole in the wall
Friday, December 24, 2004
A night of Red Horse-induced merriment. The guys from training went to this bar to drink, a bottle or two toasted for the group and Christmas.

While the night went on fine, the few from Bulacan decided to go home early. The few being more than half of us. Aiza-slash-Lady-Lee-slash-Chucky had ordered several rounds more of drinks that we had yet to finish. So some of us stayed. With the pending bill of 2400. Later, three of them just vanished. I learned not to stay with the bill. We had to cough up 500 more between the three of us left.

I made up for that by letting loose the groove machine. Me, the party wallflower. With the alcohol swirling happily in my veins I had no trouble not minding what I looked like when I did what I thought to be 'dancing'.
pinned at 10:40 | 0 comments
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
What fortune awaits after life's last breath?
Is it journey's end, or a new path set?

I did not know her. I regarded her as a friend, and now, knowing her is something I wish I could've done, yet at the same time relieved not to have. Wish, because then I might've found something, jogged something, to prevent what happened. Relief, for I am spared the terrible agony of losing her.

I am forced to consider, and treasure, my own mortality. To be free to enjoy the good and endure the bad. The Olympian gods envy our constant struggle against fate and chance, our tremendous passion and will to live born from the tug-of-war with Death. It is too hard for me to comprehend what the mind and heart has become when the choice to take your own life is decided.

No one can truly imagine what happens next. Are our souls, if they even exist, judged then rewarded or punished for our merits and crimes? Was Dante describing the truth of it? Eternity in Paradiso or Inferno. And then there are the Elysian Fields, the Halls of Valhalla, Hades' underworld domain, among others. Will our spirits be roaming this world, fettered to those we care for? Will we tread the earth again, reincarnated? Or will we simply be.. gone?

I say, reality is upon you. When you die, that reality will be gone. Who knows what's next. Today, and in all the days you are alive, you are here. Live life to the utmost.

People regard ending your life as cowardice, refusing to meet and solve your troubles. Escape. But survival is inherent in the core of all living things, and it takes courage and resolve to fight this basic instinct. We are unworthy to judge anyone's life, or death. I did not know her, yet I will remember her. And it will not be her end that would come to my mind, but the person she was when her life briefly touched mine.
pinned at 18:36 | 1 comments
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Obviously I can't make a daily post about the 'call-mine' training, as aj put it. The few hours I have left after work and before sleeping I spend mostly on reading and eating. I've just finished Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code, after endorsement from earl et.al.

Everybody loves a good conspiracy, the book says. Alternate theories and explanations to popular culture and phenomena, especially scandalous and outrageous (but still utterly believable) ones, just makes me feel warm inside. And the book's exposition on the dark deeds and destructive propaganda the Vatican dealt to other belief systems in order to amass the power of the Catholic Church? The thoroughness, the planning, the deceptions, the savagery and horror of it? So good. Imagine being one of those few who knew this secret history and its details as true. Ego stroke.

The story is a treasure hunt, but it is the idea of secret societies that I enjoyed the most. Much like in Fight Club.

Hmm. Wala lang. Darned cool movie.

Product Training begins this week. I started it just right with two consecutive lates. Two more and I get terminated. Great. The trainer makes such a fuss over everything. I guess that's fine coz it seems he's concerned with us passing the assessments. Or maybe he just wants his ass to look good through our performance.
pinned at 02:16 | 2 comments
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
This post should've been up Monday but after that day's training I was so tired and sleepy that I went right to bed when I got home, 1530 I think. I woke up 3 in the morning the next day, right on time not to be late for the 5am start. The half-day sleep was brought on by getting home at ten pm sunday. I have this thing where once I started sleeping, I wouldn't be able to wake up until at least 7 hours later. Maybe a knock to the head would do it, but an alarm clock can't.

So, all throughout the day I was fighting the sweet allure of sleep. Coffee can only do so much. It was mostly orientations, with the company and its policies and stuff.

The part I remember clearly was about excellence. The trainer was illustrating the company's vision of being excellent in its field. He drew a middle line representing average, or the worse term, mediocre. He said if the company is achieving enough of its goals to satisfy its customers, then it was performing at right about that line.

Then he asked if we knew the arguably all-time greatest player in basketball. Michael Jordan, we said. He asked what records does this guy have that makes him the best. Did he score the most points? Did he have the most three-pointers? Was he the best free-pointer? Shot-blocker? Defender? Well, no. But he was so good at all of those things that his well-roundedness just outdoes everybody else's. He could carry his team because he can do everything.

When he started he was good offensively, but not defensively. What he did was take all his weaknesses and shore them up. Improve them. When he has reached a certain level of skill, he would raise the bar higher and work up to that right away. Keeping that up made his game so good that he is now regarded to be the best there ever was. He was excellent.

It was that striving to improve oneself, that drive to be even better when you're already very good, that characterizes excellence. Meeting everyone's expectations, reaching that average/mediocre line, can't be good enough. To be excellent is to climb ever higher above that line, never being satisfied with what has already been achieved.

I found out I wasn't excellent. Never was. Never had that hunger to be better. I did just enough to get by, to be good, then I'd leave it at that. Complacent. I know I'm real good at a lot of stuff than most, but I never work at it more than is needed.

Wish I can say, I'm everything but ordinary. I could, but I'd be lying. Momma said liars go to hell. I don't wish to stay longer.
pinned at 18:23 | 1 comments